Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher : Little Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?

Little Johnny : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

Teacher : No, that's wrong

Little Johnny : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny;

"Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"

little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."



Teacher : Little Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

Little Johnny : I is...

Teacher : No, Little Johnny. Always say, "I am."

Little Johnny : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,

"Mommy, can little girls have babies?" 

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."

Johnny replied, "I don't have it."

"Why not?" His father asked.

"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny.

She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"

You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, 

"I don't need to, They've already been named."



"I'm ashamed of you," Little Johnny's mother said.

"Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do."

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

"What good would that have done?"  Little Johnny replied, "My aim is much better than yours."

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"



Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Johnny: I don't know.

Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?

Johnny: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?

Johnny: I don't know.

Teacher: They're called Turks, now what are the people of Germany called?

Johnny: They are called Germs.

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. 

"We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."

The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that? "

Little Johnny said, "No, Actually, we went to Ohio."

A Little Johnny wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.


Little Johnny was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: 

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00.